JabberJuls

“Trust”

Funny that that term is used when making a living will. It’s people trusting that their wishes are fulfilled. My sister, Robin, coldly tried to insist that I believe I was never comissioned by mom & dad to be their successor trustee. She believes I don’t know my parents and didn’t love them. Well, truth is—I DID. Mom & Dad did choose me to be there first successor, not Robin. According to the Legal Bowman Trust, I was honored with that position. Apparently, my siblings couldn’t allow me to experience that honor.

One month after my father’s death, my siblings caused such duress for my mom, isolated her & I with lies and ruthless jealousy issues, and took advantage of her with their manipulating overpowering abilities at a time of grief and her desire to have relationship with them that was never there–and changed the “trust”. She became totally dependent on them and felt abandoned by me because thats the nonsense they fed her. Because they didn’t respect me being there to help mom with decisions, they made it mentally impossible to keep peace. They wanted their way with Mom and mom gave into them to keep peace and have them there. She gave up her wishes to be with them. I backed off and honored Mom’s desire for them.

Yes, the first thing mom told me when we finally made peace with each other. She said to me and Russ, “They kept me drugged and made me change the will”. Wow…now things make sense.

Well, Seeing it in writing that I was given that honor– just reassures the blessings of real love my parents had for me. Its not in my mind. It wasn’t my misunderstanding. It was My honor. My heart smiles knowing that. For my siblings not to allow me to have that honor and force mom to change it–is their issue to face God over.

Only thing this whole situation has done for me is recognize my true place in my siblings lives. There is none, nor ever will be. They place value in things, rather than true family unification. Well, they’ll tell you, “No…Julie misunderstands. We love her and want to be family.” As their second face shows to me speaking cruel jealous remarks and isolation. Because if I communicate truth to them –then I’m just a problem. They see little picture that includes just themselves, can’t phathim the big picture –that includes all of us and how they affect me too.

Best answer is for me to let go, so they can live free of me.

Well, the Lord was merciful.

Thursday, May 27,2010 @ approximately 10:50am, Mom, Nancy J. Bowman, went to be with the Lord.

Thank you for your mercy Lord. It’s relieving knowing Mom isn’t suffering any longer. Lord, I ask for you to comfort all the family during this time of grief. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Love you Mom & Dad.
I already miss my best friends deeply. I miss talking on the phone nightly, sharing time together doing chores or just hanging out. Lord please fill that emptiness with you.

Mom, Nancy Bowman, has informed me yesterday that her doctor has told her that her body has been failing, her fluids are severely depleated, and her heart will just stop at any moment. She will be increasing her pain medicine to endure the pain and allow her body to sleep. All I could do was encourage her that it’s ok and I’m praying the Lord will comfort her and bring her peace thru this time. She asked for forgiveness for things that didn’t need forgiveness for and I tried comforting her the best I could. My heart broke hearing her cry that she knows she must let go, yet excited to meet Jesus the one that has kept her all her life. All I could say is it’s ok mom, it’s ok to go meet Jesus. He will take care of all us kids here til we meet again in heaven. Mom then said, “I want to say goodnite and I’ll see you in the morning” so we said goodnight and we love each other. My heart smiles knowing Jesus will be coming for my mother, yet grips with wrenching grief knowing she won’t be here to enjoy her company here on Earth. Lord please have mercy on her and help her not to suffer any longer.

Wow… to my surprise my sibling honestly believes its OK for her to gossip lies about me to my siblings and mother, hold hidden bitterness and jealousy against me which a few crept out at the funeral, and yet feels I’m under bondage of sin and must surrender to the Lord fully. LOL

BEWARE OF CHRISTIANS LIKE THIS
This paragraph is the perfect example of a Christian that feels they are Holier than anyone or at least me anyway. She doesn’t even know me (She knows my siblings and Mother tho LOL) and yet has made this judgment against me. Scary to know she really believes this is a way to keep peace and unity. Good try, but its time to read it back to yourself Robin and take your advice as well. I’m praying for you to see the Truth too.
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Merry Christmas to all and
to all a goodnight.

Beware of & Stay away from Fake people that have two faces. If you discover some, run before they torture the life out of you with their lies & perspectives

BE REAL- what you see is what you get with no mind games kind of person.

Life is too short to pretend you are family when you aren’t.
Accept the truth and move on.

If you are lucky enough to have real people in your life, treasure them and cherish every moment you are blessed with.

Dad I love you and thank you for blessing me by being real. Jesus I’m hanging onto you for dear life and you alone. Help our families. In Jesus name I ask, amen.

It’s funny how my siblings have this perception that I hold hatred against someone when I don’t. What I do hate is their manipulation of the truth–even God hates that! They clearly don’t know me.

Are they Judging Me? LOL just something my siblings tell everyone not to do to them. God knows my heart & what I saw & the choice I’ve made to stay away from further happenings. Is it so hard to respect my choice too? I’ve respected yours to go on as if nothing happened. I believed I am actually a blood sister the last I knew–does that count for anything? No you say. Ok.

Its Just like this…when you discover places not safe to walk in your neighborhood, you don’t walk that way. It is to avoid any problems for yourself or others. Is that hatred? Not at all–it’s called being smart.

There is a difference between hatred & choosing not to be around someone.
Just because my siblings can’t understand that concept they slap on my mom this nonsense trip that I’m full of hatred. We all choose to believe what we want so i’ll respect your belief and expect you to respect mine.

So why is your perception the only way? Hmmm to isolate me (a sister) and show hatred against me. So who has hatred here?

Whatever… God knows my heart not you.

Proverbs 10:18 (New Living Translation)
18 Hiding hatred makes you a liar;
slandering others makes you a fool.

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I read this verse today in my daily reading and it hit home for me. Pretty much sums up my situation I’m facing from my brothers and sisters in a nutshell. Telling me after the funeral how they’ve resented Dad’s love for me all my life and we never had a true relationship–I feel They’ve hidden hatred against me in their heart’s for so long. Guess I was the only one living a Fantasy that I had brothers & sisters. They’re good–to smile and hug me and pretend they cared when around me, but hidden inside is pure hatred. I feel sorry for them living that way. I believed our love and relationship to be real, so to face this new reality of theirs is Mind-shattering. My sister Robin feels its her obligation to tell the siblings I’m always a problem (slandering me)–heard her myself as she turned to family right in front of my face at the funeral–instead of seeing me as a sister loving mom and honoring her wishes. Just because I wanted to verify mom’s true wishes about an issue that affected my family, I’m now an outsider to the siblings and mother too backing the craziness. Crazy stuff.

*sharing my shattered heart trying to understand in love. now I understand why the Lord will let go of us and allow us to turn to a reprobate heart– if we reject him. times like these you have to let go if all people see is evil from you when its love and can’t see the good that is honestly in you–what choice do you have? Let Go! Lord, I give this issue to you again. Forgive me for anything I’ve done and I forgive them for not realizing what they are doing.

Well, after seeing my mother and siblings turn on me and reject me for crazy reasons, I’ve started wondering what my other half sister is like. Being so little when she was around, I really never knew her. Kimberly Bowman (Married name unknown) who are you? I now wonder why Mom refused to let you know Dad died. Why would she hurt so much if you were there? Was Mom jealous of Dad’s love for you too? After discovering this about her now, I truly question her motives with you.

If you are out there Kimberly, I would love to meet you. If anything to just talk about Dad. Feel free to email me at juls2me@yahoo.com. I wish I could’ve gotten to know you.

Dad I miss you! Thank you for loving me so much that I know without a doubt Jesus loves me even more, which astounds me to realize there is possibly more.

Jesus I don’t understand what’s happening with misplaced blame & hatred towards me, but I know you do. Realizing I’m not wanted and looked at as being horrible for ensuring Mom’s wishes is heart breaking. Realizing the hatred behind the smiles & hugs is like a knife to my throat. Lord forgive me for anything I may have done unknowingly to cause hurt to them.

I thank you for the blessing of knowing how great your love is from my earthly Dad and I hold on to that to go on living each day the best I can handling situations with love the best I know how.

One saying of deep wisdom my brother told my mother years back and she shared with me was, “You can’t make someone love You.”

These words at one point in time hurt mom deeply for years hearing her own son say them to her. We all naturally believe the family we are born into just loves you no matter what you do. Most people believe being family attaches an invisible string to each other so you are never alone or isolated. Well, that’s how God intends family to be, but when jealousy, hatred, and other nonsense gets in the way–these words are the comforting truth. You can’t make anyone On this earth Love You.
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