As I ponder over his pictures, I’ve started realizing my father was a character. His teenage pictures remind me so much of my own boys, Tim & Luke. Luke just getting married at 19years old… and then I see my father full of silly faces and lots of laughter too at the same age. Watching my father purchase his first care, go on his first few dates, join the military, become a police officer… yet in the midst of his career all made family #1 priority. I remember a loving father, that trained all us kids to know the Lord, showed us by example how to work hard, budget, plan, provide for a family, love a wife, enjoy & love his children. Many times he shared he missed his 1st daughter Kimberly and told me stories of her coming to visiting all of us with his new family, but then he moved to California and he lost that contact. He shared he still prayed for her and thought of her daily, wishing maybe someday to meet up with her again. I never really knew Kim growing up, but I am starting to get to know her now. Makes me smile, because we are very similar yet have our own uniqueness.

Well Dad, I miss you so much that my heart still cringes not having you here. Listening to all your jokes (dry and hilarious humors), hearing your cough from across the room, discussing issues in the Bible, telling me every detail of your day on a daily basis (sometimes we’d talk 3-10 times a day on the phone), sharing with me and anyone willing to care enough to want to know –every joy that you discovered. You planned your months of vacation time around all of us kids all our lives. You treated not only the family, but everyone you came in contact with as if they were the most special and important person in the world. You touched many lives in many ways for Good. There are so many things I could list… that I remember about you. I’m so thankful that you were my father and I had the opportunity to know you, learn from you, become like you in so many ways. I can only hope and pray we shall be blessed to meet each other again some day.

With ALL MY LOVE – Dad I’m sending you a Big OLD never let you go hug!!! I’ll never forget you. I was very lucky to have been honored with a wonderful father as you.

*BE SURE TO CHECK OUT THE NEW GALLERY ALBUM FOR MEMORIES OF DAD 2011*

"I'm Thinking...I'm Thinking..."

We finished putting away the camping gear today. Doing the final touches on the laundry: washing up all the blankets and clothing. Now, just relaxing uploading pictures to facebook and my blog for a change.

Snowing a lil... 11-4-11

Tent Camping at Mt. Laguna

There was drizzle here & there all day Friday and a few dark clouds that kept passing by us. Yeah, nothing new for us off roaders. Been in the desert with worse weather. Haven’t been in the mountains for awhile though. We figured even if it lightly snowed, it would be good. We planned to stay til Sunday anyway.

Once the minimal drizzle became a snow blizzard Friday evening, we still had a good time. After eating and playing a bit in the snow, we all Bundled up for the night with our thermals, beanies, 0-20 degree sleeping bags, handy dandy tent propane heaters to use as necessary, and our camper breath to boot. Had a mini out house tent for us girls (with the snow around the bottom was actually quite warm)- Our personal igloo.

That was fun until we heard the weather report on the am radio around 2am. It said the snowfall wasn’t going to let up for a few days, another storm was on its way for Sunday AM, and our steep dangling over the mountain side road into/out of the forrest was covered with snow/ice.

We Figured our truck would be ok, but doubted Becca’s car’s ability to attempt the road out of the forrest.

Saturday about 6am, the snowing stopped. The sun briefly came out and the skies cleared. Should have seen the scenery- just beautiful. The forest sounds were amazingly serene. The sun peeping through the trees, Every tree covered with snow, road in was covered at least a foot and a half high. Just beautiful. I told Russ we might as well take advantage of the weather break and get some warm breakfast & coffee going at least while we assess the total situation. Russ felt in his assessment, we were stuck and may need help to get out. Deciding to tough it out and stay OR pack it up and move on out – was the pondering decision.

Surprisingly, A hunter stopped by our campsite in his geared up truck as we were finishing up breakfast and making more coffee. He shared that he drove the road a few times with his 4×4 we should be ok to get out of the forrest or should plan to ride out the weather til mid next week. That news made it hopeful, if we decided to leave.

We could have stayed. We had plenty of food, fuel, and so far the warmth. Luke & Becca were up for either choice. Luke had plans of snowman making, snow angel making, of course snowball fights, also ideas of sledding with my plastic food plates. Becca had plans of setting up & playing badminton as well. We all were making the best of it.

I personally didn’t care either way as long as the kids were warm and could stay warm. That was my main worry during the blizzard that night. Only thing that put my mind at ease was hearing them snoring off and on. Found out later, my snoring comforted them as well. *giggles* I knew Russ and I would be warm. Worse comes to worse we make a fire for warmth – even though no fires allowed. We had the necessities to survive.

Then Russ and I saw Becca shivering and icicles starting to fall from the trees above our campsite. That was the decision point. We decided to high tail it out. Russ texted his folks what was up – amazingly it got through. Russ’s Dad texted back saying he’d ride out our way just in case we needed any help off the road. So we basically, Ate breakfast, cleaned up, packed up, and attempted to leave.

The hunter’s truck gave us a solid track to follow up the hill. Problem was, with the melting snow comes slushy mud puddles to get stuck in. Russ and I’s truck spun out in the back, even fully weighted down, a few times -but nothing too uncontrollable. Waited at the Top of the dirt road to watch for Luke driving Becca’s car out from the campsite. Luke was a trooper. He drove the car out of the one track slushy, icy road like a sliding race car champ. All the way up and around the slick mountain side trail too. We followed behind them in the truck.

As soon as we got to the main highway, we parked on the asphalt a few minutes hoping to see Russ’s Dad before he pulled down the trail. No sooner than we parked, we saw 2 ranger trucks and Dad in his 4×4 truck turn down the road. Waving, honking, lights didn’t deter their mission of going in for us… On down the trail they went. Luckily the cellphones worked for a second, we were able to connect.

Was Nice knowing he would have found us IF anything did go bad. So all in all – the Lord was good to us.

The kids were happy go lucky no matter what happened. They took some pics at the turnout. I was on my last nerve after glaring over a side of the cliff with a swerving back end of a truck and listening to Russ beating himself up for deciding to stay out there in the first place. So I was in process of coming down from the adrenaline rush of full blown survival mode. we were safe and all good.

After Dad pulled up to the turnout, we decided to meet up again in Alpine and have a sit down lunch before everyone goes their own ways. “Its all Good!”

Memorable quotes from this adventure:

“We got this!” ~ Becca @ girl time
“Keep those pants buckled up for safety” ~ to Luke
“Look – a snow angel…brrrr!” ~ Luke
“We’re Off Roading in the Vol Vo!… Woohoo! \o/” ~ Becca
“We’re stuck, we need help!” ~ Russ
“We’re fine…if we get stuck, we’ll camp right there or keep trying til we move” ~ me
(felt like saying – “Get ‘er Done!”)

Note for next trip:
1. bring the walkie talkies

Funny that that term is used when making a living will. It’s people trusting that their wishes are fulfilled. My sister, Robin, coldly tried to insist that I believe I was never comissioned by mom & dad to be their successor trustee. She believes I don’t know my parents and didn’t love them. Well, truth is—I DID. Mom & Dad did choose me to be there first successor, not Robin. According to the Legal Bowman Trust, I was honored with that position. Apparently, my siblings couldn’t allow me to experience that honor.

One month after my father’s death, my siblings caused such duress for my mom, isolated her & I with lies and ruthless jealousy issues, and took advantage of her with their manipulating overpowering abilities at a time of grief and her desire to have relationship with them that was never there–and changed the “trust”. She became totally dependent on them and felt abandoned by me because thats the nonsense they fed her. Because they didn’t respect me being there to help mom with decisions, they made it mentally impossible to keep peace. They wanted their way with Mom and mom gave into them to keep peace and have them there. She gave up her wishes to be with them. I backed off and honored Mom’s desire for them.

Yes, the first thing mom told me when we finally made peace with each other. She said to me and Russ, “They kept me drugged and made me change the will”. Wow…now things make sense.

Well, Seeing it in writing that I was given that honor– just reassures the blessings of real love my parents had for me. Its not in my mind. It wasn’t my misunderstanding. It was My honor. My heart smiles knowing that. For my siblings not to allow me to have that honor and force mom to change it–is their issue to face God over.

Only thing this whole situation has done for me is recognize my true place in my siblings lives. There is none, nor ever will be. They place value in things, rather than true family unification. Well, they’ll tell you, “No…Julie misunderstands. We love her and want to be family.” As their second face shows to me speaking cruel jealous remarks and isolation. Because if I communicate truth to them –then I’m just a problem. They see little picture that includes just themselves, can’t phathim the big picture –that includes all of us and how they affect me too.

Best answer is for me to let go, so they can live free of me.

Thursday, May 27,2010 @ approximately 10:50am, Mom, Nancy J. Bowman, went to be with the Lord.

Thank you for your mercy Lord. It’s relieving knowing Mom isn’t suffering any longer. Lord, I ask for you to comfort all the family during this time of grief. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Love you Mom & Dad.
I already miss my best friends deeply. I miss talking on the phone nightly, sharing time together doing chores or just hanging out. Lord please fill that emptiness with you.

BEWARE OF CHRISTIANS LIKE THIS
This paragraph is the perfect example of a Christian that feels they are Holier than anyone or at least me anyway. She doesn’t even know me (She knows my siblings and Mother tho LOL) and yet has made this judgment against me. Scary to know she really believes this is a way to keep peace and unity. Good try, but its time to read it back to yourself Robin and take your advice as well. I’m praying for you to see the Truth too.

”
(1) Julie, you are a much loved and very dear sister to me. I do not, however, like or appreciate the volume and vulgarity you choose to use to communicate much of which are (2)misjudgments due to lies from Satan. (3)The Bible reminds us that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities and powers and spiritual forces in dark places. Satan is the one who comes to lie to, rob from, and kill the saints (the precious ones of Christ Jesus). In that regard, my prayers will continue for you that God will penetrate your heart and mind with His pure love, that (4)He will release you from the sins holds you in bondage. Then, you will see the truth and surrender your will fully to our Father. When you do, (and I hope that will be very soon) know that my arms are open to you. They have been always; they will be always. I cannot speak for our brothers and sister and mother. But, knowing their deep love for the Lord, I am assured that they too desire a good and loving relationship with you.”

TRANSLATION for THE NORMAL PERSON:
(This is what I hear from the above paragraph:)

1. I love you…. but I don’t like how you communicate. Why? Because its not exactly how she feels it should be done. I speak loudly and you bet I fight back when you are wrong and not just. So basically do things her way or she refuses to communicate and don’t forget YOU are the Liar all the time because anything you say is satanically influenced.
Scary… Robin I am a Christ follower just so you know. Your perspectives of me shows you don’t know me at all. Not communicating is not Love. Communication comes in many forms and who said arguments are BAD anyway? You? People disagree and you have to be willing to understand others points of view and weigh out and accept the reality. Gotta see the BIG picture.

2. Misjudgments of what? The fact that she was actually heard in front of my face talking bad about me in front of siblings. Which caused drama instead of dealing with the situation at hand. Confirming Mom’s wishes was the only answer to the disagreement at the funeral. Not stopping me from asking Mom and dramatizing that now I’m a problem for confirming Mom’s wishes. Hmm, you tell me, someone that can smile, hug, and pretend they care yet back-bites you behind your back and doesn’t think twice about how this affects you…what is that? As far as siblings & mom go.. there is no misjudgements when you are told to your face that you were Dad’s favorite, you never had a relationship with them, you are the problem all the time in their opinion even when their problems were caused by their non-relationship with our parents, ok that’s quite clear to even a moron. I see the WHOLE Picture not just the parts you want to see. So whose making misjudgments? Who’d want to be around people like this playing mind games instead of being real anyway? Not me.

3. Yes, God’s Word is true and the verse shared is the truth even in this situation. Thanks for the prayers…please pray for yourself to see the whole truth and accept the reality of it too.

4. So because she feels I’m in bondage of sin, (Of what? Getting Mad at your injustice, hatred, and jealousies towards me) I must surrender to the Lord FULLY and do things her way because she’s the perfect person that knows all things. Ok sounds harsh, but that’s how it comes across. Thing is… she doesn’t know me. Doesn’t know the life I have with Jesus and have surrendered fully to the Lord and know his mercies and grace. I know my parents too. Does this make her feel…Godly…for projecting this on me?

Clincher is… Mom is so emotionally distraught that she can only process what she is told by my siblings. In their bitterness towards me, they can’t see the REAL person I am and have rejected me completely and cruelly…with smiles on their faces and fake open arms. Crazy stuff. Only because mom now chooses to forget who I am and what I have been to her and has chosen to be manipulated and not stand up to them…. do I back off and let them rule the roost the way Dad knew they would do. Their way…isn’t Dad and Mom’s true wishes. I pray Mom gets the care she needs and I can only hope the siblings will step up for her when they chose not to ever before.

Here’s the cold hard facts:
Mom and Dad had chosen me to be their voice on their Health Directives and Will. Robin and Siblings don’t want to hear my voice representing our parents because they feel they should have been chosen to do the job or feel they could do things better. So in mom’s weakened state, the siblings have decided to completely disregard any opinion I share about Mom & Dad’s wishes and have poisoned my mother with their twisted perspective of me to attain their wishes not our parents. Yes, being who I am, a person that gets MAD at injustice, my anger gets the best of me–which any normal human being would if treated this way. So I have chosen to back off and not be a part of their ways. Amazes me how they are fake and hide behind their smiles and twists of the truth to justify what they do.
Who’d want to be a part of fakeness any way? Not me.

Yes, it hurts deeply to face the truth of our lives full on, but it is what it is.
We’ve all known it deep inside things were this way, but never faced it. I’m glad the truth has finally been revealed to me from each of them. I can accept it and choose to move on. The Lord doesn’t expect us to live in mental torment all our lives either. My siblings and Mother have pretty much died to me along with the Father I loved deeply.

Farewell fantasy family. I will miss the fantasy that I had sisters and brothers that loved me and that I loved. I just wish they could put themselves in my shoes to know how much I deeply loved them and can’t comprehend how they’ve hated me all these years beneath the fake smiles and hugs. I can’t comprehend what I’ve ever done to hurt you. I’m sorry if you feel I have done something, but without knowing what I’ve done there’s nothing I can do. I will not live under your mental tyranny as if I’m a horrible person to you–when I’ve done nothing to you. I do not accept blame for what Mom and Dad have done to you. I do not accept your blame for whatever because I cherished Dad’s love and He cherished me and my family either. Goodbye!